They had his back

By Bob

Crowded late-night bus. People standing in the aisle. Weary man gets on the No. 12 Barbur in downtown to head home. Long shift at work. Needs to relax and pop open a beer. Got to get through the ride first. And to do that, a seat would be nice. To sit. To nod off for a while. Perchance to dream.

There, way in back. It could be an open seat. Squeeze through the standees. Stumble up the steps to the rear area. Why, it is an open seat.

About a dozen pairs of eyes seemingly stare through him as he approaches. Starts to sit. Suddenly . . .

"Hey, old guy. There's gum all over that seat." Two teenage girls chirp out the warning from just behind him.

He looks closely at the seat. They're right. Nice kids. Could've let him sit in that mess and just laughed.

Standing isn't so bad. That High Life is getting closer by the minute. And they had his back.

Actions, not words

By Bob

The twenty-something woman had been talking loudly to the person next to her, and anyone else in the vicinity of the front of the bus, since the No. 44 had pulled out of Multnomah Village and headed up the hill toward the PCC Sylvania campus. Her chatter, illustrated by constant arm movements, became background noise for most of the riders on a crisp, clear fall day.

When the bus reached the entrance to the campus and stopped to let off several people, she exited first. As she began to cross the traffic lane that leads down into the heart of the PCC campus, she turned her head to her right and, waving her arms again, began to make a point to one of her former seat mates. At just that moment, coming from her left and building up speed, chugged the bus that she had just left.

"My ex-boyfriend always says that I should take care of myself first," the talkative woman proclaimed. Fortunately for her, a fellow traveler grabbed one of her arms and tugged her back onto the sidewalk just before the bus passed.

Sometimes, apparently, ex-boyfriends have sound advice.

No-fool zone

By Amy

Another reason why Big Mama bus driver is an exceptional person:

ADDLED MALE PASSENGER TO BIG MAMA: Good afternoon, sir.

BIG MAMA (without the slightest pause): I ain't no sir, sir. I'm a ma'am.

COMMENTARY: I appreciate a woman who says her mind. She didn't get angry, and she didn't ignore the mistake--as I probably would--out of apathy or to spare that man's embarrassment. Another fool learns a lesson to pay a little more heed to the human beings around him.

Canned scam

By Jim

I'm waiting for the No. 44 out of Portland Community College when a clean-cut guy walks up to the bus stop. "Are you paying or do you have a pass?" he asks.

"I've got a pass. The fare is two bucks now."   

He replies with his real question: "Can you spare 80 cents so I can get on the bus?"

I wish I could say: "Here's a hundred dollars so you can get on your feet."   

But he's wearing a nice knit sweater and hip jeans -- he's dressed better than I am. It always strikes me as a market-research failure when guys in decent clothing ask grizzled, white-bearded, backpack-toting, down-and-out me for a handout.  

Plus his timing is bad. Just 30 minutes ago, I was on the phone with Chase Mastercard. For the second time this year, the fraud squad is calling to tell me my credit card number -- XXXX-XXXX-XXXX-4308, if you'd like to be one of the many people with access to it -- has been stolen.

 This time the scammers tried to buy $237 worth of anime videos from an online outfit in Florida. Chase denied the charge, much to their, uh, credit. Apparently their digital oracle knows I would never spend more than $150 at one time on anime videos.

Last time, the thieves succeeded in getting an $80 advance from a bank in Thailand. Now my credit card is canceled again. Since I have the card in my wallet, I'm guessing the number was taken at a Portland retail establishment.   

Mr. Cable-Knit Sweater gets my quick answer: "Sorry." He turns and walks away -- away from downtown. If he wants to get on the No. 44 -- which is heading downtown -- shouldn't he be walking north, not south?

So I saved 80 cents. You see, there are people who need the money more than Sweater Man does, people like Lehman Brothers, Merrill Lynch, Wachovia Bank, Bear Stearns, Fannie Mae and Freddie Mac. I'll be giving those big Wall Street players $2,300 next week. They dress a lot better than I do, too, but when they ask for money they don't walk away.